Buhay Coke ng Bloggers at SM Hypermart
So I arrived at Mall of Asia with The Mordo and Helga, incredibly late for the Buhay Coke ng Bloggers event at Taste Asia. I was particularly excited because the last two blogging events I attended at Taste Asia involved a lot of unlimited alchohol and food and nobody in his right mind would turn down such an offer.
Despite me wanting to soclialize and all, the memory of that girl who threatened to rip my “right testicle off and throw it into the bowels of Manila Bay” back from the first Taste Asia event daunted me. So I just hung out at the TMB and i.PH table with Mike, Bim, Fritz, Lauren, Liz, Marco, Ozy, Tahn, Cai, Wits, Mica, Yel, Madz, Uretz, Ting, Rico, Jayvee, Phoebe, and Kris.
Photo by Fritz
Also, the TMB table was probably the noisiest of it all, owing to the fact that Bim and Mike were fighting over the affections of any random girl who passes by:
BIM: “Hey there little girl, if you were stuck in a desert island with me, Mike, and a goat, who would you choose?”
The goat won the tally by an impressive lead.
Read the rest of this entry »
Creepy Search Terms That Brought You Here
Hello there, dear reader. My name is Ade. And I run this blog. And I may or may not know you. You might be following my blog since time immemorial, or you may have just stumbled upon it from a couple of links here and there. Or maybe you’ve stumbled upon my site from Google.
Yes, Google. Now let’s talk. You see, dear reader who got to my site from Google, I’m getting really worried about you.
… ’sup?
You see, I’ve been getting a deluge of really weird search terms that are really bordering from “weird” to “just plain fucking disturbing”. No, seriously. I run a humor blog here, dear visitor. I know that somebody mistook my site as pr0n and tagged it accordingly on StumbleUpon, but trust me, I’m trying to make sure my site is as family-friendly and as G-rated as possible.
(Also, by “family-friendly”, I’m talking about these guys, but whatev. Family schmamily. Semantics. Also, by G-rated, I’m talking about the use of shit, piss, cunt, fuck, cocksucker, motherfucker, and tits as often as possible, because, you know, kids need to start to learn these things early in life.)
Read the rest of this entry »
An Open Letter To The Girl Who Accidentally Touched My Bird in The Elevator
Dear Girl Who Accidentally Touched My Bird in The Elevator,
So I was standing in the elevator minding my own business, right? And I was busy talking to The Mordo and Helga, minding my own business when your group just came in barging. I counted between 7-10 people. It should’ve been an ordinary crowded elevator moment. But you had to come in, texting and not minding your surroundings and swinging your arms like crazy. Yep, swinging your arms like crazy in a crowded elevator.
Guess where your hand landed.
Reenactment
So, Girl Who Accidentally Touched My Bird in The Elevator, I usually don’t mind. Accidents do happen, you know. But it was really amusing to see you stop in your tracks, freeze for around thirty seconds, panic written across your face. At this point I was so fucking trying to keep my laughter in. So I decided to do what any other gentleman would do in such an awkward situation: stare at you and keep the awkwardness up for the long elevator ride from the 25th floor down to the ground floor.
Read the rest of this entry »
Sorsi Would Make A Pretty Badass Life Coach
Know what scares me? I’ve been getting these awesometastic bouts of depression lately. I know that you’d probably either go “Oh, look, there’s Ade, overdramatizing again about his trivial problems. Let’s laugh at him!” or “Ade, here’s some Xanax. Please overdose yourself ktnx.” or “Ade, you need to get laid. Hey that rhymes!” or “Look, a pink unicorn!”
And I’m getting pretty scared because it’s coming on to often. But I just usually try to shrug it off by saying “Meh. I shall handle depression like a MAN!” and I’ll hide in my bedroom, burying myself in pillows and sobbing my eyes off while eating my second bucketful of KFC Chicken.
But to make me feel better I kinda had long talks with Kring and Sorsi (yeah, yeah, Sorsi’s the girl who makes me depressed and suicidal everytime I talk to her, yadda yadda. I was desperate.) and thanks to them I was able to cheer up. Also, I think Sorsi would make buttloads of cash if she ever does choose to take up life coaching as a career.
Read the rest of this entry »
I Think My Old Friends Are Scared Of Me
Little-known fact about me: I used to be part of UST’s Campus Ministry back in college. Yes, I used to volunteer and facilitate recollections, retreats, and similar activities. And yes, I also stood on stage and danced some charismatic songs in front of freshmen. And talked about Jesus and his love. A lot.
… Shut up.
Read the rest of this entry »
